Over the last year, I have allowed painting to become an obstacle. Don't get me wrong, I got paid handsomely for completing a mural project and teaching some art classes, but writing is what I want to do first and foremost. I can't allow my artwork to get me so sidetracked that I fall off-course.
I started a memoir in 2002. While attending a writer's conference that year, I was chatting with a fellow writer and she asked me a question about my book. After sharing my emotional answer, she said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you're ready to write your book yet."
She was right.
I put my book on hold and pursued other interests. I continued to research my topic, read books on the subject, surf the Internet, journal my feelings, and attend writers conferences, but didn't work on my book. The time would come when I could get back to writing, and when it did, I would pursue it wholeheartedly.
In April of 2007, the issue surrounding my book got resolved, giving me the clear mind I needed to once again pick up the pencil . . . er . . . laptop, and get back to work.
In August 2007, I discovered YourHub (http://www.coloradosprings.yourhub.com/) sponsored by the Gazette in Colorado Springs. It was the perfect outlet--posting dozens of stories about my neighborhood, family, church, and friends caused the scribe fire inside me to burn even brighter, awakening me to a Truth I've been snuffing out for years: I am a writer.
Getting married in 2005 provided an extra income I've never enjoyed before. I had been a single mother of three kids for 18 years before I married my husband, and never had the luxury of staying home to write full time. Being the supportive, hardworking husband he is, Greg gave me his blessing to resign in November 2007 to pursue my dreams, so I jumped at this chance to stoke the fire!
We knew we'd have to forego vacations, cut back on our spending, and that money would be really tight, but I didn't think it would get this bad. With the economy taking a nosedive, gas and food prices skyrocketing, and his summer hours being cut by almost half, we're facing a lot of challenges that we didn't take into consideration, even foreclosure.
I remember several years ago after my sister got married, her husband was frequently out of work while she worked two and three jobs to support him. At the time, I thought he was a slacker and a lousy husband for forcing her to be the sole provider--did she agree to this before they said "I do"? Why couldn't he just get a job to tide them over until he got his big break? He refused. His stubbornness paid off--seven years later, he's very successful in his field, they bought a new house in an upscale neighborhood in Burbank, CA, and she's a stay-at-home mother of two. Now that the shoe is on my foot, I understand why he did what he did and admire him for staying true to his dreams. And I admire my sister for her faithfulness even though at the time I thought she was a fool for staying with him.
I have so much to learn about marriage.
So, do I release the white-knuckled stranglehold on my dream and get a "paying" job, knowing we could lose the house because of my stubbornness? Or do I relax my grip just a little, maybe get a part-time job to help out for a while, but continue to write in the evenings, knowing things might come up that will force me to let go forever? How much longer do I persevere before my "big break" comes? I wonder how often my brother-in-law asked himself the same questions.
If I'm going "back to work," it's gonna' be something I really enjoy doing! I applied for a cake decorator job and got it! It's part time, I have to work Sundays (what a drag!), and have to rearrange my entire writing schedule and possibly miss some meetings because of my new job (bigger drag!). Last night, knowing I was reporting at 9:30 a.m. this morning, I could not fall asleep. I had many unanswered questions, I saw my writing dream floating away, and I saturated my pillow with tears.
But like a good new employee, I got up and reported on time for my first day. When I was told my starting wages, I was crushed! If I was going to make this big of a sacrifice, I needed to be well-compensated and this amount was not going to cut it. Granted, I don't have retail experience and the cakes I've done have been out of my home, but this was not an income that would make me excited to get out of bed every morning instead of staying home to write.
My book loomed before me. "Are you sure you want to sell out for this?" it jeered.
I informed the manager that I'd have to turn down the offer. She understood. Next time I'll ask what my pay will be before I accept!
I did cartwheels in the parking lot back to my car . . . well . . . at least on the inside I did! I felt like I had sprouted wings and could fly! I headed back home to my husband, to my book, to my dream!
My husband was surprised to see me back so soon. I explained what happened and he got a big grin on his face. "I don't know why you applied for the job in the first place! We'll be okay, Honey! I'll even work for the temp agency during the weeks I'm home. Now get back to your proposal!"
When I mentioned I wanted to write on the back patio for a change of scenery, he set up the patio table, umbrella, and a tarp to protect me from the sun (I'm taking advantage of the 66-degree November weather!). He gathered my laptop and books out of my upstairs office, set up a side table, got me a Diet Coke, and asked if there was anything else I needed. Hmm . . . let me think about that . . . just a kiss from the most amazing man on the entire planet!
My book is going to be dedicated to Greg Johnson! No one else believes in me and supports me the way my husband does! (Anita Romero runs a close second!) I am SO BLESSED to have him, and I certainly don't take him for granted. If he believes in me this much, what do I think I'm doing piping icing?
As I sat at the table, I took a brief moment to check my e-mail. My inbox contained messages from Tim Bergsten, editor of YourHub, and the man who emceed the YourHub Second Anniversary Party. I asked him for his "script" from what he said about me so that I could include it in my YourHub scrapbook, and possibly in my book proposal.
Here's his e-mail:
I’m pretty sure this person is the most prolific writer on YourHub, her byline has appeared right at 200 times online and she keeps the YourHub east papers filled with colorful feature stories. And her words are popular, I know because my phone rings off the hook with callers praising her stories. When you work at a newspaper, calls of encouragement are sometimes few and far between.
This summer we met with this lady and told her we were interested in stories about how people might be feeling the pinch from a slumping economy and the price of gas and what sort of actions people might be taking to save a buck.
She went home, jumped on her bike, and vowed to be a bicycle commuter. After a couple of rides, she wrote this limerick to start a story titled Gas Boycott Update… on YourHub...
Twelve miles to and from church I rode my bike,
To boycott the outrageous gas price hikes.
I need better shocks
And firmer buttocks
For this to be a ride that I like!
I could go on and on about her and before the night’s over, I might do that. But I am proud to present the YourHub East Zone Citizen Journalist of the Year Hubcap to Stephanie Johnson.
I was blown away because I hadn't posted 200 stories! Looking back now, after adding my blog entries and the stories about my husband, that number sounds about right.
Drifting among the clouds while hugging my Hubcap, I half-tuned out what came next for overall winner:
This was a tough decision because there are several people whose contributions, whose opinions and suggestions, have made YourHub successful.
This person has grasped the idea behind YourHub. She understands that YourHub was created for citizens to write about their neighborhoods, their clubs, school, their church. We call it hyper-local, the news from your street, the news about the people and places close to you.
The Citizen Journalist of the Year has written a detailed series of articles about a remodeling overhaul at her church. She created and wrote two series titled Inspiring Women and Women of Courage, telling us about Colorado Springs residents who have survived destructive relationships, drug and alcohol abuse to live the life they had dreamed of, stories of people who are raising their grandkids, who against the odds earned a college degree and are making it happen for themselves.
She’s written movie reviews, stories about teaching art at the Bemis Art School, and stories about new businesses she has discovered.
She is an excellent writer, using her head to write information that is valuable, and her heart to write with passion.
I don’t think things happen by accident, and though we didn’t know it at the time, I think we created YourHub for Stephanie Johnson. And it is my honor to present her with the Hubcap for YourHub Citizen Journalist of the Year.
When Tim began the introduction for overall journalist, I was excited to hear who would win. I didn't figure out he was talking about me again until he mentioned my "Inspiring Women" series! After that, I missed most of what he said because I was holding my sobbing in check so as not to cause too much commotion. I simply can't describe the tsunami of emotions that swept over me at realizing I had won overall Journalist of the Year, too! Reading it even now in black and white is causing new tears to flow.
Tim also attached a picture that a photographer captured of me accepting my second award. As Tim's accolades sink in and I see the look on my face that says it all, I realize I made the right decision by turning down the job . . . that I AM A WRITER, and writers write, not decorate cakes. Sure, I'll paint once in a while and do a cake for a friend now and again, but first and foremost, I am a writer, so I will continue to do just that.
Even if it means becoming homeless.
